Learning Sportsmanship the Hard Way
My actions during a meet almost got me kicked off the team. It also taught me a lesson about sportsmanship I'll never forget.
I spent two years on a pee wee wrestling team at my school when I was about 11. I wasn’t any good; I don’t think I won a single match. But it was something to do, and the coach was a very persistent recruiter. He could have probably been a highly successful recruiting coordinator for a Division I program. They would have loved him.
One dual meet during my first season stands out. We traveled by bus from Austin, Texas to Houston, where we took on a tough team from a local boys’ club.
I walked out to the mat and shook hands with my opponent. He was introduced as ‘Red’, obviously a nickname. But I didn’t care about that. This guy was built like a tank. Here I was, a skinny kid who couldn’t intimidate a flea if he tried. Am I in the right weight class? I thought to myself.
When the referee blew his whistle, I knew I was in trouble. Red’s takedown had me on the mat so quickly the ref probably hadn’t even taken the whistle out of his mouth yet. Somehow, I managed not to get pinned and made it through the first period.
But when the second period began, Red was on a mission to end the match quickly. He picked me up and flipped me on my side. The crowd gasped in awe. My humiliation was complete when he put me on my back and finished me off.
I’m ashamed to admit what I did next.
A Momentary Lapse in Judgment
Our coach, Mr. Cardwell, always told us to shake hands with our opponent before and after the match, win or lose. He made a point to emphasize this before every meet.
But shaking hands with Red was the last thing I wanted to do. I don’t think bullies at my school gave me the whooping I got from him.
Instead of shaking Red’s hand and congratulating him after the match, I stormed off the mat, fuming. I even remember making this growling sound everyone in the gym could hear as I made my way back to the bench.
Mr. Cardwell immediately pulled me aside.
“Kerr!” he barked. “I should kick you off the team for what you just did. You embarrassed us all.”
That incident happened several decades ago. But I still feel the shame as I write this. I was a competitive kid who hated losing. I didn’t get that from my parents, by the way. They raised me to show respect and integrity in sports and everything else I did. Mr. Cardwell always talked about showing good sportsmanship, but I didn’t give it much thought until that day.
While I made sure to never embarrass myself like that again, it still took a long time for me to lose gracefully. I remember a baseball practice several years later, when I let a ball get by me in the outfield. I had to chase it down, and a run scored. I sulked the rest of practice and on the way home.
Mind you, this was a practice scrimmage, not a real game. Seeing my sullen expression, my dad gave me some advice.
“If you take the game too seriously and it’s no longer fun, stop playing,” he said.
Sportsmanship really does matter, whether you’re a player, coach or parent. It says a lot about your character, good or bad. If you can’t handle a missed play in a scrimmage or a tough loss, how can you deal with the ups and downs of everyday life, such as the loss of a job, a divorce, or the death of a loved one?
The Institute for the Study of Youth Sports defines sportsmanship as “a striving for success, while maintaining a commitment to being fair, honest, and respectful.” U.S. Youth Soccer uses the acronym ROOTS, which stands for Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates and Self.
Coaches and parents should be examples to kids of fair play and proper behavior. Here are six things we should all keep in mind about sportsmanship.
It’s About Celebrating the Game, Not the Outcome
Several years ago, I discussed the subject of sportsmanship with Dr. Wendy Middlemiss, a professor of educational psychology at the University of North Texas. She recalled a referee blowing a couple of calls during one of her son’s middle school soccer games.
At halftime, the coach called his players aside, explaining the importance of playing with respect, honor and skill, regardless of the outcome.
“They played that way throughout the whole second half,” Dr. Middlemiss told me. “They lost (the game). But if you had just walked onto the field, you would have thought my son’s team was the one who won. They were jumping up and down, they were so proud of themselves.”
Your Actions Define Your Reputation
When tennis player Novak Djokovic hit a ball out of frustration and struck a line judge in the neck at the U.S. Open last year, he immediately created the impression that he’s a hothead.
While he was quick to run over and check on the woman after she collapsed to the ground, his outburst caused him to be disqualified.
According to author and strategic thinker Gary Ryan Blair, we learn how others act by watching their behavior. If you’re constantly taunting, criticizing or throwing tantrums, chances are you will be viewed in a negative light. But if you hustle on every play, cheer for your teammates or take constructive criticism well, you’ll be the kind of person people want to be around.
Your Opponents Want to Win, Too
Dr. Middlemiss points out it’s OK to be excited after a win or upset after a loss. She advises winners to recognize how hard the other team played, and how it must feel for them to lose. If you or your team lost, channel that negative energy into what you can do better next time.
Sportsmanship Emphasizes Fair Play
According to Stanford Health, rules in sports are designed to keep things organized, not stifle competition.
Sure, it’s tempting to take shortcuts or break the rules to get an edge over an opponent. You don’t have to go far to find examples of this. But coaches should teach their players to show integrity and play by the rules, and not tolerate cheating on any level.
Passion and Frustration are Different
It’s fine to be passionate about sports and winning. But channeling that passion into anger or negative attitudes is not OK.
Achieving success in any worthwhile activity takes a lot of hard work. Failure must often come before success.
“Part of being passionate about your sport is that you appreciate the challenges and difficulty in playing your sport well, and how much practice it takes,” Dr. Middlemiss explained.
Sportsmanship Teaches Everyone to Honor the Game
When players, coaches and parents show respect for the game, they honor the sport they’re involved in.
That’s where U.S. Youth Soccer’s ROOTS code comes in. These qualities will remain valuable long after a child is done playing sports, and can shape their character moving forward.
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Thankfully, Mr. Cardwell didn’t kick me off the team for my poor behavior after that wrestling match. He gave me another chance, which I’ll always be grateful for. I’d also like to thank him for teaching me important core values like hard work, toughness, and sportsmanship. Those are life lessons I’ll never forget.
Hot Takes and Great Reads
I saw this story after I wrote the above piece, so it’s great timing that I get to include it here.
Last week during an elementary school meet in Louisville, a girl with a cast on her arm was falling behind.
A third grader who was also running noticed the girl was having trouble. Instead of trying to beat her, she came up and began running with her.
What a sweet moment. This Facebook post says it all.
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On the flip side, you never like to see this. Former NFL quarterback Trent Dilfer, now a high school coach, had a confrontation with one of his players this past weekend.
Dilfer apologized, but in a day where stuff like this goes viral, it’ll stay with him moving forward.
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Playing sports has many benefits. It reduces obesity, depression, drug use, and helps kids sleep better.
But there’s another advantage, according to the Aspen Institute. Studies show student-athletes tend to have higher grade point averages, standardized test scores, better attendance, and are less likely to drop out of school.
Click here to read their findings.
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Congratulations to Taylor North (Michigan) for winning the 2021 Little League World Series. They jumped on Team Ohio with three runs in the first inning for a 5-2 victory.
Hawaii defeated South Dakota 5-0 in the consolation game.
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It’s no secret having kids involved in athletics can be an expensive venture, particularly at the travel ball level. One family estimates they have shelled out around $70,000 over two decades. But they believe it’s been worth every penny, and have willingly made sacrifices to ensure their kids will enjoy the experience.
Click here to read their story.
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