Pandemic Plus Suicide Equals Tragedy
The problem of suicide among young athletes is rising, and the coronavirus pandemic is only making things worse.
Earlier this week, I came across a Washington Post article about a teenage volleyball player who took her life.
The passing of London Bruns occurred in 2020, during the coronavirus pandemic shutdown, when sports at all levels were affected by postponements and cancellations. It coincided with many schools around the U.S. conducting classes online, forcing children of all ages to cope with a new way of learning along with the isolation that comes with not being able to spend time with their friends.
Recently, there’s been a lot of media coverage about the state of mental health in sports and society. In one of my earliest issues of Better Young Athletes, I wrote about Simone Biles’s decision to sit out the majority of the Tokyo Olympics, citing mental health concerns related to her performance. Numerous other athletes have stepped forward to do the same or address their ongoing struggles.
London’s story hit me in a directly personal way. My son James took his own life this past December, 10 days before Christmas. His death came just over two weeks shy of his 29th birthday.
In the first issue of this newsletter, I wrote about my insistence James keep playing in a flag football game after he wanted to come out. That experience did not cause him to turn away from sports, but he eventually ended up pursuing other opportunities, including a career in audio and video sound engineering. I couldn’t have been more proud of him.
While James’s life ended in his late 20’s, his struggle with depression didn’t begin in adulthood. He was diagnosed with a mental disorder when he was about 13, and attempted suicide on several other occasions as a teen and an adult. He endured several stays in a mental hospital and run-ins with the law.
Upon reflection, I can honestly say his mom and I did everything we could as parents to get him the help he needed. But that didn’t make his struggle or its ultimate ending any less difficult for us as a family. I’ve also had time over the past few weeks to think about the struggles kids are having today, youth athletes in particular.
Where Are the Signs?
The pressure to win in youth sports is greater than it’s ever been. Combined with the pandemic, which is still causing uncertainty nearly two years after it began, makes that pressure cooker even worse. Athletes are used to being around their teammates. Even after things opened back up, games and practices are still subject to postponement or cancellation thanks to the latest COVID-19 variant.
Following a suicide, the questions of “why?” and “where were the signs?” often follow.
A week before London’s death, her mom, Heather Wendling, asked if she had been keeping in touch with her volleyball teammates. London said no, they had drifted apart.
On her final day, London asked Wendling to prepare fettuccine Alfredo, her favorite meal. They stopped at Starbucks to get her favorite beverage, an iced chai tea. London usually got a gallon-size box of Goldfish crackers at the store. But on this day, she chose a small bag instead, telling her mom she didn’t need that many this time. Naturally, Wendling thought nothing of it at the time.
On the way home, London began talking about Halloween and how much she loved it, as if she was going to miss it. The suicide note she left behind didn’t give many clues, other than that she was struggling.
“She just let us know that she loved us and that we didn’t do anything wrong,” Wendling told the Post. “But she had been struggling and felt it was her time.”
My son didn’t leave a note on his final suicide attempt. But he did last spring before a similar incident that failed. In it, he said basically the same thing, that he just couldn’t take the struggle and that he loved us.
The Evidence Is Real
In the summer of 2020, a University of Wisconsin survey revealed that 68% of 3,243 teens polled reported feelings of anxiety or depression at levels that typically require medical intervention. Those alarming numbers were nearly 40 percent higher than previous studies.
Suicide is the second-leading cause of death among high-school-aged kids. Cases are sure to rise as COVID-19 continues to create fear and chaos. It is not only disrupting activities, but is robbing youth athletes of their ability to interact with teammates, friends and even loved ones face-to-face. While virtual platforms like Zoom, Google Meet and Microsoft Teams have opened up a whole new way of teaching and interacting remotely, it doesn’t replace the intangible benefits of being physically close to others. Feelings of loneliness and isolation can affect even the most strong-minded individual.
Two days after James’s death, I posted a tribute on my personal Facebook page. But I wanted to go beyond summarizing his life and praising his accomplishments. I wanted to bring attention to what the pastor at his memorial service referred to as “the elephant in the room”: the deep struggle of depression, anxiety and mental illness that can’t be totally understood by those who don’t experience those feelings. Here is a portion of what I said:
“Suicide is no joke. It's serious. It's real, and it's heartbreaking. If you know someone who is struggling with depression, encourage them. Love on them. Show them you care. But at the end of the day, if you know you've done all you can, don't beat yourself up over things you can't control.
If you're battling a mental illness or have thoughts of suicide, please, please seek help. Don't try and fight this alone. Let your loved ones reach out to you. Yes, life is hard. I know. But there is a God who is bigger than the most monumental problem you'll ever face. Turn to Him. Let Him help you face and vanquish your giants.”
Seeking Help
I’m not naïve. While I get depressed, or often feel hopeless about a situation, I can’t pretend I know what it’s like to be inside the minds of London Bruns, my son James, and countless others who are so consumed with helplessness and despair, they believe there is no way out except to end their life.
What I do know is that we need to provide better personal and mental health support across all levels of society, not just sports. Admitting that someone has a problem and addressing it head-on is not a weakness. In fact, let me be so bold as to say it’s actually a strength to be willing to recognize a struggle and attempt to get it under control.
Yes, sometimes all the therapy, medication, and counseling in the world doesn’t yield the results we hope for. It didn’t save my son. But we should never stop searching for answers or new ways to provide relief.
Deep-rooted depression and mental disorders cannot be seen with the naked eye. You can’t put a bandage on it, or surgically remove it like a tumor. But that doesn’t mean we should give up. Parents, coaches and even players need to be aware the problem exists, sometimes right in their own backyard. I believe almost every family has been touched by suicide in some way, even if it isn’t always somebody directly close to you. But as I said in the above excerpt from my Facebook post, don’t beat yourself up with guilt and regret if you know you’ve done all you could with what you knew at the time.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, I again implore you to reach out to someone. It could be a parent, a coach, a pastor or other trusted church leader… anyone with whom you place your trust. They might not have all the answers. They may or may not completely understand your pain and suffering. But that’s OK. They can give you encouragement and guide you toward professionals and resources that provide the necessary help you need.
If you are alone and don’t have anyone readily available, call a suicide prevention hotline in your area. You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255).
Don’t wait another moment.
***
Want more great content like this? Subscribe free and get Better Young Athletes sent to your inbox each Wednesday.