Playing Through Tragedy
Playing after the loss of a loved one can help athletes deal with their grief and begin the healing process.
Red Bank Catholic (New Jersey) High School senior quarterback Alex Brown had a game most athletes only dream about.
In a game against Morris Catholic last Friday, Brown threw for six touchdowns and ran for two more in a 58-34 victory. The win came in an NJSIAA Non-Public B playoff game.
At first glance, Brown’s performance may seem like one of those games that can’t be explained. But there’s more to the story that goes beyond the amazing statistics and results on the scoreboard.
The day before the game, Brown lost his mother Michelle after a 15-year battle with breast cancer. His tribute to her and his incredible game went viral over the weekend.
“Today I lost my best friend, my teacher, and my mother,” Brown wrote on Twitter. “My mom had been battling breast cancer that had spread throughout her body for 14 years. She was never supposed to make it this long, but through love and her insane strength she fought. I love you mama, Rest in Peace.”
A Tribute to Emily
In the spring of 2019, I wrote a story for FloSoftball.com about a high school softball team near Dallas, Texas, who won a state championship nearly a year after one of their players was killed in a pedestrian accident.
On May 16, 2017, Emily Galiano was leaving a team dinner when she was accidentally struck by a car. One of her teammates was backing out of the driveway but didn’t see Emily behind her vehicle. Emily died shortly thereafter.
The team was scheduled to play in a semifinal regional series that week. The softball coach left it up to the team as to whether they would play. They unanimously agreed to do so in memory of Emily.
Forney High won that series before bowing out in the regional final. But they came back the next year, dedicated the season to Emily, and won the state title.
A Hockey Memorial
Several years ago, a school shooting occurred at Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland, Florida. A total of 14 students and three faculty members were killed. A week and a half after the shooting, the boys hockey team won the state championship. The day after the title game, the players placed their championship medals on a memorial that had been dedicated to the memory of those lost.
There are countless stories of athletes and teams at all levels who play following the tragic loss of a teammate or loved one. In fact, it’s happened so often that the general public almost comes to expect them to play through the mental pain, just as they’re expected to play through physical pain.
“When athletes perform at a high level while in the initial stages of grief, it reinforces (society’s) belief that athletes have something special," Stephany Coakley, a Washington-based sports psychologist, told the Chicago Tribune. “But what many elite athletes have is mental toughness, resilience, discipline and support not only from family, but their teammates, the organization and, yes, us in the adoring general public.”
There are pros and cons to this public perception. On one hand, playing in a game after losing a friend or loved one can be a way of paying tribute to their memory. It can also help in dealing with the grief, giving the player something to focus on other than the pain.
But we all must be mindful that not everyone is able to handle pain in that way. When an athlete is expected to perform in the face of tragedy, it may be too much to ask. Everyone needs to handle grief in their own way. Being an athlete or any type of “performer” shouldn’t have to be exceptions.
An Individual Decision
In the examples mentioned above, the choice to play was left up to the player or team. Forney High’s softball coach, Pat Eitel, gathered his players together shortly after the accident that killed Emily.
“Ladies,” he told them, “If you all don’t want to play, there’s no disgrace. What we’ve gone through is unbelievable. I’ll back you 100 percent.”
Just after Stoneman Douglas won their state title, I spoke with a couple of players for a story on USAHockey.com. Both told me there was no hesitation about the decision to play.
“I don’t think anyone had in mind that they didn’t want to go,” Adam Hauptman told me. “Every kid felt pretty much the same. It was either going to be that everyone said yes or no. Everyone wanted to get out and bring something back to celebrate with.”
The same held true for Alex Brown, the Red Bank quarterback who has committed to play for Bucknell. The response to his story has been incredible. Even Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady reached out with his thoughts.
“It’s been insane,” Brown told the Asbury Park Press. “I posted a video because I wanted to make a tribute, posted it on Instagram and Twitter thanking her for watching over me. I looked the next day and I have over 5 million views and 100,000 likes and I’m getting a call from ESPN SportsCenter and getting a call from Fox. And I see Tom Brady commenting and texting me a nice paragraph about me and my mom and playing football.”
Playing through this type of pain won’t make the grief go away. But as long as it’s left up to the individual or team, it can be a form of release, the beginning of the healing process. But there should never be an expectation to play, and no athlete at any level should ever feel ashamed if they choose to sit out. Either way, the choice should be theirs to make.
Hot Takes and Great Reads
I came across a nice story in the Downey Patriot about the Rancho Los Amigos National Rehabilitation Center and their support for patients.
Through various partnerships with groups like the Rancho Los Amigos Foundation and Las Floristas, the center provides patients assistance with college education and team sports experiences through its wheelchair basketball teams. They also help locate art programs and other support groups.
Check out the full story here.
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Another partnership is coming to North Texas. Known as Youth Sports Impact, the partnership is a collaboration between SMU, Children’s Health, and the Andrews Institute. Its aim is to improve the health, activity levels and well-being of kids from all backgrounds.
“We want healthy kids,” Dr. Peter Weyand of SMU’s Simmons School of Education and Human Development told NBCDFW.com. “Everybody has a body and everybody should be an athlete. Not necessarily an elite athlete, but just want kids to learn how to eat right and learn. Those types of things.”
I’m glad he clarified the “elite athlete” part.
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Sometimes, a major injury can end up being a blessing in disguise. I recently did a story on Maddy Siegrist, a forward for the Villanova women’s basketball team, who broke her ankle just two days into the start of her freshman season. Maddy was redshirted that year, but came back stronger than ever the next season.
Click here to read how the injury made her a better player.
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