Sports Can Bring Families Together
Playing sports can be stressful for many families. But it can also bring them closer together.
In a recent issue of Better Young Athletes, I mentioned the Koester family in the Hot Takes and Great Reads section. They have three children, all of whom are in college, and they each play sports at universities covering two different states.
As you can imagine, it’s quite a task for the parents of this Pennsylvania family to watch their games, especially at this level. But Bob and Michelle Koester have committed to making it work.
What’s their secret? Part of it is refreshingly low-tech.
A color-coded calendar sits on a desk in the Koester home, and is marked with all the games their three kids play. Andrew’s games are in green, Allison’s in red, and Annie is in blue.
Sounds like they’re still in elementary school, doesn’t it? But it works, and the best part is, it keeps the family close.
Andrew Koester is a quarterback at Slippery Rock University. Allison plays volleyball at Fairleigh Dickinson University. Annie also plays volleyball, but at Clarion.
Many parents can certainly relate having to shuttle kids back and forth to practices, games, school activities, etc.
But playing sports has done something else for the Koesters and other families like them. It has strengthened them as a unit, bringing them closer together.
“It definitely is crazy, but something we can all bond over and talk about,” Allison told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
A Hockey-Happy Family
Just last month, I spoke with a mom whose entire family plays, coaches or officiates hockey.
Janine Martinez once had dreams of playing college basketball at Michigan State. But a knee injury put an end to that goal before it could be realized.
Janine, competitive by nature, was looking for another outlet to keep her active. Her father suggested she take up hockey and play for a women’s team near their home outside Detroit.
Janine took his advice, and immediately fell in love with the sport. She met her husband after he started coming to games. They got married and had three daughters, each of whom played hockey. Kayla, the oldest, is 21 and plays for Division I Lindenwood University. Corrin, 19, no longer plays but helps her mom referee games in the area. Kirsten, 16, has been playing since she was seven.
Janine says hockey isn’t just a sport in her family; it’s a way of life they all enjoy. It gives them structure and makes for great conversation.
“We all speak the same language,” she told me in a story on USAHockey.com. “We all understand when we talk about hockey or I talk about a ref situation or observation that I came across. They all can relate and understand what I’m talking about.”
A Softball Marriage
Several months ago, I spoke with a travel softball coach who married into a softball family. James Lamar was a former baseball player who didn’t know much about softball until he met his wife Marissa, who is currently head coach for the Duke University softball team. Marissa’s father was a successful travel softball coach for many years. James and Marissa have three daughters, all of whom play for the Lady Dukes, a team he and Marissa started.
Each of these families may have a different story, but there is one undeniable component they all share: a passion for sports. A common interest is established and in some cases is passed along to the next generation.
Connecting All the Dots
Obviously, there needs to be flexibility in work schedules for this to occur. In Michelle Koester’s case, she asked her boss if she could cut back her weekend work to allow for traveling to her children’s games. He agreed.
“I sent my boss a picture of my September calendar,” she told the Post-Gazette. “I said, ‘this is my life with three kids playing in college and I’m hoping you can have some flexibility with me’, because I do work an occasional weekend.”
How do you go to three games at the same time when there are only two parents? Obviously, that’s impossible. In one recent instance, the Koesters set up three computer monitors in a room at their home. Two of the kids’ games were live streaming at the same time, and a third only had live stats with no video.
But if there is enough separation between games, the parents split up. On a Thursday this past September, Bob and Michelle both drove to Detroit and watched Andrew play. They returned home on Friday, with Michelle traveling to Clarion later that day to watch Annie. The next week, both parents drove to West Virginia to watch Annie play in a volleyball tournament. They then went to a restaurant and watched Allison’s match on their phones.
It’s a juggling act, to be sure. But they are committed to their children’s interests no matter what they need to do to make it work. All three kids are still close, texting or Facetiming each other constantly to talk about their games.
Enjoy the Ride
Naturally, not all families are capable or even willing to make this kind of commitment. Kids should never be pushed into something they don’t want. Often, they will move on to other things before they even finish high school, so the challenge of driving to different states isn’t always an issue. The technology we have certainly makes it easier to keep up with their games better than before.
But for families like the Koesters, being there in person is still important. They also know this experience will soon come to an end.
“The best part is they’re all enjoying this playing now,” Bob told the Gazette. “We never, ever thought it would be like this, all playing at the same time. It just happened. The travel can be hectic, but at the same time we wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
They will certainly have plenty of happy memories to share for a lifetime.
Hot Takes and Great Reads
An incident like this should never happen.
A female high school hockey player in Pennsylvania was the recent target of some vulgar chants by opposing fans. About 50 students from Armstrong High began shouting obscenities at the goalie for rival Mars Area High School last month. The incident was caught on video and shared on social media.
The Pennsylvania Interscholastic Hockey League barred the students from hockey games and placed the school’s team on probation for the rest of the season, including the playoffs. The league’s commissioner called the students’ actions “disgusting” and “absolutely more than kids being kids.”
Not surprisingly, the player was in tears midway through the game. What’s worse is the game apparently wasn’t stopped and the chants were allowed to continue.
The player, who received support on Twitter from Olympic hockey player Meghan Duggan, has since returned to the ice. I certainly hope this experience hasn’t scarred her for life. You can read the full account of the incident here.
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The NCAA Constitution Committee is proposing a new constitution that would allow each of the governing body’s three divisions to reorganize and have more autonomy.
Under the proposed draft, Division I, II and III would be allowed to create new divisions or sub-divisions, and determine membership and eligibility for new organizations. It also includes language establishing a code for athletes to be compensated for their name, image and likeness, while prohibiting pay-for-play.
The committee was created last July and consists of 22 school presidents, commissioners, athletics directors and students from each of the three divisions. The draft was shared recently with schools and conferences ahead of a special convention later this month.
This isn’t a surprise, as the college sports landscape has been heading toward significant change for some time. It’s a shame it has taken this long.
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I recently went to watch my grandson play soccer. During the game, my son-in-law happened to mention that the coach had canceled several games even when the weather was beautiful. Several other games had to be canceled because of bad weather.
My grandson is only four, but he loves soccer. Each time a game was called off, he got pretty upset. Fortunately, he has a goal in his backyard where he can play with his dad on the beautiful days his team didn’t play.
I’m always careful about criticizing youth coaches, especially in these circumstances. There may be a perfectly good reason the coach had to cancel on the days when the weather was nice enough to play.
But it is a good reminder that if you committed to put in the time to coach a team, you should follow through on that commitment. If something like this happens too often, the kids get discouraged and lose interest. It’s hard enough to plan outdoor activities in unpredictable weather. So when a game is able to be played, do whatever you can to let them have that opportunity.
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